Staying Connected While Letting Go

January 1, 2003
In their unflagging dedication to caregiving, spouses of an Alzheimer's patient often neglect their own emotional needs, say the authors of this compassionate volume. Braff, a therapist, and Olenik, formerly a research associate in an N.I.H.-funded study of Alzheimer's caregivers, chart the course of the disease from the caregivers' perspective, gathering stories of how they coped with the diagnosis, the painful progression and finally, their spouse's death. It is these stories that form the backbone of this book. Just as members of a support group share tales of grappling with fear, stress and isolation, so do the voices in this volume: Carolyn mourns the loss of meaningful conversation with her husband; Al misses the physical intimacy; Mamie comes to terms with the fact that her husband no longer recognizes her. The authors eschew direct advice in favor of vignettes that model, they hope, healthy ways of coping. This may frustrate some looking for concrete actions to take, phone numbers to call or other resources to peruse; the overwritten commentary, too, might grate (e.g. the authors want to "clip the wings of and enfeeble the predatory emotional effects" of the disease). But Braff and Olenik care deeply about their subject, and their book will help people struggling with a failing spouse feel part of a large and strong community.